Notes on a friend

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Notes on a Friend: A Eulogy for Dorothy Ann "Deed"e Sloan
North Berkeley Senior Center, Berkeley
March 29, 2009

I want to thank the volunteers of the Coffee Bar and the North Berkeley Senior Center for helping to host this memorial to Deede. Many things will be said of Deede but one thing is undeniable, she loved this senior center.

Many of us who have lived in Berkeley a long time, though perhaps not quite as long as Deede, have come to recognize the buildings and areas of Berkeley and they take on a very personal association. So is it with people too. Deede was a noticeable part of my Berkeley landscape.

Over the last year I had the opportunity to spend a good deal of time with Deede. On a number of occasions she was asked if perhaps I was her son. Each time she said no but added that I was family. I know I share that distinction with many in this room today.

I must confess that I miss her intelligence and warmth. I miss the phone calls and the casual conservation. I miss gardening with her since we shared that responsibility to our adjoining units. I especially miss looking up at her apartment and not seeing a light on, with the knowledge that she will not be returning.

For those who may not know, Deede’s ashes were moved back to Oklahoma City to be interned with her father and mother, Earl and Leta Sloan at the Memorial Park Cemetery. This is what she had requested. Deede never wanted to lose her Oklahoma connection despite having lived all of her adult life here in Berkeley. Every year she sent flowers back to the cemetery to be placed on her parents’ grave. This was the commitment she fulfilled to her mother, ...to remember.

Deede had a passion for aiding animals. There were few times that she wasn’t feeding a stray cat or providing housing for some unwanted animal until their passing. Few people would be so loving and sensitive to these spirits as to have had seven cats be cremated so that their cremains could be memorialized and spread in Berkeley. Several months ago she asked that this be done. Perhaps it is appropriate that we memorialize them today as well. She said of the cats, that each one with its passing, took a little part of her heart. This is certainly true of myself with regard to my dear friend and neighbor.

As a valedictorian of her high school, education was always important to Deede. She spoke fondly of her days at Cal Berkeley and association with the university. After graduating in the early 1950’s went back to college in the mid seventies, entering Merritt to secure a realtor’s license. Again in the 1990’s Deede attended Berkeley’s Vista College.

Deede was wonderfully romantic by nature. It was one of the many traits that seemed to power her through the difficult times in her life and especially at the end. As many of you know, Deede loved to dance. Early in her life she said that she took dancing lessons including tap. She related to me an experience she had while a young child in Yale, Oklahoma. Her father was a banker and was said to have been quite supportive of the local Native American tribes.

Deede said that one of the tribes, the Pawnees once honored him by inviting the Sloan family to their Green Corn festival and ceremony. This was an honor not usually afforded non native Americans. Deede remembered being ushered with her brother and father into an earthen lodge where many had gathered.

With noticeable enthusiasm she recalled, “The Pawnee were the best dancers”. With their brightly colored costumes, jumping, spinning to the beat of the drum they made an indelible impression on her.

When she attempted to join in with the braves she told that she was not allowed to dance like the braves but only with the other squaws who were circling the men and dancing in a more sedate fashion. Those who have known Deede, also know that this did not set well with her. In fact, she carried this memory to her last days.

From those early Oklahoma days, Deede saw few limitations in her life and dance. In living her life she was the Pawnee dancer, from her colorful garments and leopard spotted cap to her social activism… she embraced free expression. This was Deede’s way. And this is something that we honor today and that I will always remember.

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